Effective Transitional Statements

The following outline was developed to guide my mentee to improve the structure of his essays while transitioning more effectively between paragraphs and maintaining paragraph unity. Though the outline does not by any means reflect all of the components of an essay, it addresses the student's need to develop effective transitional topic sentences and a conclusion. This sheet could be returned to me prior to the composition of an essay so that the student can receive constructive feedback on transitional statements in order to improve his writing process.  

Outline

Topic:

Thesis statement (in the form of a statement, rather than a question):

Subject of paragraph two:

Transitional topic sentence:

Subject of paragraph two:

Transitional topic sentence:

Subject of paragraph three:

Transitional topic sentence:

Subject of paragraph four:

Transitional topic sentence:

Subject of paragraph five:

Transitional topic sentence:

Concluding statement:

Concluding paragraph (rather than merely restating the thesis or summarizing the essay, the conclusion elaborates on your argument, (a) connecting it to a broader question or larger subject that might itself be worthy of development into another essay, (b) considering the implications of the thesis and the subjects that the essay has addressed (What does the subject of this essay mean to a reader?), or (c) addressing a point that the essay may have left unresolved by suggesting that it might be of value to explore said point in greater detail in order to conduct a complete analysis of the topic.

Suggestions

• Answer the question "So What?"
  

  Show your readers why this paper was important. Show them that your paper was meaningful and useful.

• Synthesize, don't summarize
  
  • Don't simply repeat things that were in your paper. They have read it. Show them how the points you made and the support and examples you used were not random, but fit together.
    

• Redirect your readers
  
  • Give your reader something to think about, perhaps a way to use your paper in the "real" world. If your introduction went from general to specific, make your conclusion go from specific to general. Think globally.
    

• Create a new meaning
  
  • You don't have to give new information to create a new meaning. By demonstrating how your ideas work together, you can create a new picture. Often the sum of the paper is worth more than its parts.

Mentee Checklist

The following one page checklist has been adapted from an online resource to target the specific areas in which my student writer struggles. The list could adapted to suit students at a variety of grade levels, and the list of items could be expanded or contracted in order to address the needs of a particular class or student.  

1. Introduction:

❒ The thesis statement clear.

❒ The thesis statement states the specific argument that the essay will advance/the specific subject that the essay will explore.

❒ The introduction frames the thesis, introducing the subject to be explored, and does not provide too little, or too much, information.

❒ The introduction elaborates on the way in which the essay will address its topic or develop its argument.

2. Body:

❒ The essay develops in a logical manner; the subject of one paragraph leads naturally into the subject of the next and all paragraphs address the thesis.

❒ The argument develops in an effective manner; subjects are organized so as to guide a reader to accept the argument or to easily understand the issue explored in the essay.

❒ Each paragraph has a transitional topic sentence that guides the reader through the essay from one paragraph to the next.

❒ Each paragraph is unified, addressing only one topic.

❒ Quotations are integrated properly.

❒ Quotations are integrated effectively and judiciously.

3. Conclusion:

❒ The conclusion does not simply restate the thesis; synthesis of ideas is evident.

❒ The conclusion does not introduce a new supporting argument.

4. Writing Style

❒ Homonyms (its vs. it's; course vs. coarse) are employed correctly.

❒ There is no pronoun confusion (i.e. when used, pronouns such as he, she, it, and they clearly refer back to a specific noun).

❒ The essay uses the active voice.

❒ Whenever appropriate, the essay is in the present tense.

❒ The essay is free from cliches and colloquialisms. Academic/formal language is used throughout.

❒ There are no contractions.

❒ The essay employs all words and content-area specific terms correctly.

❒ There is no repetition of sentence construction

❒ There are few instances of repeated word use in a compressed area of the essay.

❒ Repetitious ideas/restatements of the same idea have been eliminated.

Student Resources

Having conducted further reviews of my mentee's work, I located the several online resources that will help me to address the evident gaps in his pre-writing, writing, and post-writing processes.   

Conclusions:

This resource provides a concise overview of the purpose and principal components of a properly-constructed conclusion.

http://www.canberra.edu.au/studyskills/writing/conclusions

The following resource elaborates on the relatively simplistic treatment of conclusions provided above; both have merits, though the former resource may have more value for a student at the level with which we are concerned.

http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/conclusions/

The following resources are template checklists for teacher evaluation and student self-evaluation.

http://tcdsbstaff.ednet.ns.ca/hwalsh/LAW%2012/Concise%20Essay.Writing.Checklist.pdf

http://www.gallaudet.edu/tip/english_center/writing/essay_check_list.html

http://www.roanestate.edu/owl/essayrev.html

Sample of Mentee's Written Work with Mentor Comments

I have assessed this sample of my mentee's written work and obtained his permission to display it in this blog after inserting constructive feedback in an effort to address what I view as the major impediments to his effective communication of ideas. This piece could be used as an exemplar. In a guided activity, students could identify the text's strengths, weaknesses, and errors and then correct them in order to better understand the criteria by which their work is to be judged and to gain experience in the critical post-writing review process.
 

Mentoring Student Writer: Resource List

After assessing several samples of my mentee's written work, I came to the conclusion that weaknesses in his pre-writing process hindered his ability to communicate effectively. In general, I found that:

(1) The student's work was marred by errors related to grammar and use of homonyms (its vs. it's; there vs. their)

(2) Topic sentences were usually weak or unrelated to the subject of their associated paragraphs. Consequently, these paragraphs often demonstrated a lack of unity.

(3) Transitional sentences were often absent or did not lead logically into the subjects addressed in the following paragraph.

and

(4) The student's work included multiple colloquialisms and contractions that detracted from the tone that he set out to establish; radical variations in tone were common due to shifts between formal and informal discourse.

I compiled this list of resources in an effort to address the issues that I identified.

(1)

It's vs. Its and There vs. Their

http://its-not-its.info/
http://www.wikihow.com/Sample/There-Their-and-They're


(2)
Concept map to address the pre-writing process and as the student expressed some signs that he might be a primarily visual learner. potential

http://www.readwritethink.org/files/resources/printouts/30699_concept_map.pdf

Articles on the appropriate use of contractions in a variety of written forms:

Business writing
http://www.instructionalsolutions.com/blog/bid/82807/Contractions-in-Business-Writing

http://www.businesswritingblog.com/business_writing/2006/04/dont_use_contra.html

In general written work
http://www.plainlanguage.gov/howto/guidelines/bigdoc/writeContract.cfm


(2&3)

Discussions on paragraph length and unity:
https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/606/02/
http://www.dailywritingtips.com/how-long-should-a-paragraph-be/
http://www.bristol.ac.uk/arts/exercises/grammar/grammar_tutorial/page_39.htm

(4)

Elimination of colloquialisms/formal vs. informal discourse:
http://vandenbroek.weebly.com/uploads/2/4/3/5/24359759/formalinformal.pdf
http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Colloquial-%28Informal%29-Writing

Work and Power Lab

This lab for a grade 11 physics course encourages students to express their interpretations of a situation involving the physical principles of work and power in both written and numerical formats. This lad could easily be expanded through the inclusion of a writing activity that would ask students to consider the scenario presented in the worksheet's final series of problems and to compose a narrative of the "race" between the two individuals in question that incorporates appropriate terminology and demonstrates student understanding of relevant physical processes.

Shakespeare Set Free

While my experience in assessing resources and material that teachers can incorporate into their lessons is limited, I have been consistently impressed by the quality and practicality of the Shakespeare Set Free series (http://www.folger.edu/template.cfm?cid=2768).

These texts offer teachers complete, easily-modified lesson and unit plans for teaching, among other Shakespeare plays: Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Twelfth Night, and Hamlet. Detailed resources including activities, worksheets, and quizzes, can supply teachers with ideas that they can then incorporate into personalized lesson plans, saving teachers a tremendous amount of preparation time which can then be reinvested in assessment or rehearsal of content-delivery.

Sample Student Work: Grade 11 Academic English

The following literary essay on Crucifixion imagery in The Old Man and The Sea could be used as an exemplar in a Grade 11 Academic English course to demonstrate level 2+ work.


 Through a process of guided reflection and analysis, students should be able to identify the following elements of the essay that prevent it from reaching level 3 or level 4 status:

- Grammatical errors (By Santiago settling against the planks of the bow, Hemingway makes a comparison to Christ...)
- Style is "choppy" and reflects uncertainty through overuse of commas.
- Weak introduction involving a statement that seems tenuously connected to the thesis: "Also, an underlying Christian theme to the novella is maintained by other religious allusions, which keep the image of the crucifixion prominent within the reader’s mind."
- Awkward or colloquial phrases, especially in transitions ("One of the first obvious religious allusions...";"Another way...".

- Misused words: "utilizes" instead of use.

- Integration and explanation of quotations is at times awkward: Santiago goes on to say, “…he [the left hand] has only cramped once. If he cramps again let the line cut him off.” This passage alludes to Mark 9:43: “And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off”.

- Use of the passive voice creates some muddled sentences.


Positive elements of the essay include:
- Strong vocabulary and generally effective word choice.
- Logical organization within the "Five Paragraph Essay" format.
- Highly effective use of a second primary source (The Bible).
- Easily identifiable thesis: "The crucifixion imagery is used to create empathy for the ‘old man’, Santiago, and his suffering."

A Problem in Dynamics

James Clerk Maxwell "A Problem in Dynamics" reflects some of the problems that Peterson identifies with student poetry in the disciplines of physics, chemistry, and biology; Maxwell oscillates between abandoning rhyme for meaning – a decision that Peterson advocates – and sacrificing the clarity of images and ideas in order to maintain his rhyme scheme.

As Peterson observes, the poetics of Patrick Lane and Michael Ondaatje involves a reduction and a progressive erosion of verse through successive revisions. That which remains after this process is little more than a skeletal essence, creating a Giacometti statue of a poem. In his rejection of such approaches, Maxwell delights in the expansiveness of his piece. Rather than distilling complex concepts and seeking to express the “dynamics problem” simply, Maxwell creates an at times bloated and unwieldy block of verse. Yet Maxwell does not simply reject the kind of aesthetic principles that define the aforementioned artists; he deliberately counters his natural inclinations as a physicist As a scientist, Maxwell would ideally seek to balance the demands of precision, accuracy, and concision, yet in translating a physics problem into verse, he deliberately confounds both physicists and students of English literature alike, despite the relatively simple situation that he describes. 

While any researcher in a particular scientific field embraces a particular lexicon and mode of communication that is common to all his or her peers, the language that he or she adopts is opaque to the uninitiated. To some extent, each scientific discipline speaks its own language. Yet most share a set of basic terms and conventions, expressing complex concepts through a shared language of mathematics. Those outside of the hard sciences lack this language, and the scientists' method of communicating simply and precisely becomes a barrier to understanding. Here, Maxwell plays with the language of the liberal arts, contorting it until it becomes an impediment to understanding.

Considering the poetic ideal of Lane and Ondaatje in the context of physics, mathematics is the highest poetry, for no symbol – no language – other than that of mathematics could represent its principles and convey Maxwell's intended meaning more clearly and concisely than a few simple lines of differentiated equations. Yet, Maxwell's humor depends on his verbosity and his over-complication of the physical principles. The poem's affective power, its ability to make us laugh, lies in its tortured attempt to translate between the conventions of scientific discourse and the physicists primary language of mathematics into a poetic structure and a complex English language.

The poem then offers students the chance to re-translate Maxwell's meaning and explore the ways in which our scientific modes of communication – which can at times frustrate students immensely – allows us to express and share ideas more quickly and easily than traditional English. A teacher could explore a variety of questions with his or her students related to the poetic form and its potential in a physics classroom. Could students adopt an approach similar to Maxwell's in order to simplify a problem at their level (one that does not involve a description and use of differential equations) into a narrative poem without sacrificing meaning for rhyme or rhythm? Could the poetic form be used to express a problem solving process involving simplification, identification, and solution? 

Physics Exemplar: Grade 11 Waves and Nodes

The following example of a student lab report that details the results of an experiment involving waves and nodal points represents level 4 work for the grade 11 university preparation physics course.
  

Physics Exemplar: Grade 12 Photoelectric Effect

The following example of a student lab report is yet another example of level 4 work for the grade 12 university preparation physics course (SPH4U) that reflects the results of an experiment involving the photoelectric effect.
  

Physics Exemplar: Grade 12 Diffraction Grating Lab Report

The following example of a student lab report represents level 4 work for the grade 12 university preparation physics course (SPH4U). It could be used as a mentor text or an exemplar for students as the develop lab reports to convey the results of an experiment involving the use of a diffraction grating.
 

Physics Exemplar: Grade 11 Waves Lab Report

The following components of a grade 11 lab on wave motion reflect level 4 work. The expansive introduction goes well beyond expectations for the assignment, to the point that the student might be advised to consider reducing future introduction sections in order to make better use of his time.

Lab Reports in a Physics Classroom

In typical high-school science classrooms, hands-on lab activities provide students with opportunities to make connections between theoretical concepts and real world situations, develop questions regarding the application and function of those concepts, and apply scientific principles of inquiry as they seek out answers.

Lab experiments – both “recipe” labs in which procedures are provided and self-directed inquiry-based actives – address the common Stream A of the Ontario Curriculum for all science courses; Overall Expectations for this stream (taken from Grade 11 University Preparation Physics) are as follows:

• A1. demonstrate scientific investigation skills (related to both inquiry and research) in the four areas of skills (initiating and planning, performing and recording, analysing and interpreting, and communicating);
• A2. identify and describe careers and Canadian contributions related to the fields of science under study.

Lab reports, which follow similar conventions across all scientific disciplines, are the primary formal method by which students convey information and results obtained through any lab activity. The composition of these reports addresses each of the major elements and skills demanded by Overall Expectation A1, as Students initiate and plan a scientific inquiry, execute the lab activity while collecting and recording data in accordance with the laboratory etiquette and conventions, analyze the data that they have collected through a variety of written, graphical, and mathematical means, and then report – i.e. communicate – the results that they have obtained and the conclusion that they have reached with reference to experimental data. Such reports consist of several distinct, titled sections:

1. Title: A clear and straightforward reflection of the content of the report.
2. Abstract: A brief summary of the experiment, its objectives, results, and conclusions.
3. Introduction: A statement that explains the physical principles or theory that relate to the experiment that the student has undertaken, possibly involving a review of, or reference to, scientific literature, that addresses the reasons and purposes for the experiment.
4. Objective(s)/Hypothesis: A concise statement of the purpose of the experiment or the expectations for its outcome. Often included in the introduction.
5. Theory (If there is no introduction): A presentation of the physics that is associated with the experiment, including derivations of equations, theoretical predictions for the experiment to be carried out, and an explanation of the the physical principles that the experiment is designed to test.
6. Procedure/Methods: A clear and concise set of instructions that detail the steps by which the experiment was performed.
7. Data: A representation of raw experimental data, generally tabulated, that often includes estimated uncertainties.
8. (Data) Analysis: An analysis of the experimental data in light of your objectives/hypothesis and theoretical principles. This section includes graphical representations and interpretations of data.
9. Results/Discussion: A discussion of the lab's results that emphasizes interpretation and the relation of experimental data to theory. The results section may replace both the data and analysis components, reflecting the same information.
10. Conclusion: A concise response to the experiment's objectives with reference to results.

Convention dictates that the lab report should be written in the passive voice and the third person in order to create an air of impartiality and detachment.

As noted above, some variance exists in the lab report formats employed in different institutions: many teachers or schools eliminate the “Materials and Methods” section, especially if the report reflects on the results of a “recipe lab,” or term it the “Procedure;” others forgo an “Introduction” or replace it with an internal “Theory” component that serves much the same purpose. Recipe labs generally have as their objective the confirmation of a pre-established theory, while inquiry activities designed to address questions to which students do not have an answer may require a “Hypothesis” section. If students know their goal – determine the coefficient of static friction of a textbook and a calculator, for instance – they may list that as their objective and develop an associated procedure or method to achieve the objective that they have set.

In order to teach students the conventions of the lab report format, I would rely heavily on the use of exemplars. Together with students, I would generate a set of observations as my class explores a mentor text. After providing students with a checklist, I would then ask them to assess a variety of exemplars that reflect levels 1, 2, 3, and 4 quality, having them identify strengths, flaws, and areas for improvement. Student groups would then grade the exemplars based on achievement chart levels.

A number of useful strategies are available at the NCSU website, including the following outline:

http://www.ncsu.edu/labwrite/instructors/intro_teachinglwr.htm#introlabreports

Introduction to Lab Reports (for those without access to ppt)

1. Brainstorm with your students what they think the purpose of a lab report is.
   
2. After discussing the purpose, ask students to list and describe the parts of a lab report. You may use the “Parts of a Lab Report” overhead and/or the handout during this discussion.
   
3. Have students brainstorm the differences between a lab report and a scientific journal article. Click the following link to show them a sample journal article, http://www.journals.uchicago.edu/AJHG/journal/issues/v66n6/991447/991447.html or find one of your own. Use “A Comparison of the Scientific Article and the Lab Report” as an overhead or handout during this discussion.
   
4. Pass out a sample lab report and “Guide for Analyzing a Laboratory Report” handout.
   
5. Put students into groups and either assign each group analyze one part of the lab report, or have each group analyze the entire lab report.
   
6. Have an open discussion where groups share what they learned during this activity.
   

Handouts you’ll need:

1. OVERHEAD/HANDOUT: Parts of a Lab Report with Brief Descriptions
   
2. OVERHEAD/HANDOUT: A Comparison of the Scientific Article and the Lab Report
   
3. A Sample Lab Report (choose one from this link)
   
4. Guide for Analyzing a Lab Report

Provide students with the following handout as a resource for analyzing exemplars in class.

http://www.ncsu.edu/labwrite/instructors/ta-analysisguide.pdf

Once students have become familiar with basic lab report format, introduce sample lab reports from the following web site. Though these reports reflect college level work, they allow students to look beyond the requirements of their grade level, making connections and comparisons to more advanced material that will allow them to better understand the conventions of their own format.

http://www.ncsu.edu/labwrite/res/labreport/res-sample-labrep.html

My next series of posts will consist of several exemplars that represent level four work at grades 11 and 12, as noted alongside each mentor text.

Call of Cthulhu Character Creation

Peterson identifies character development as one of the most difficult aspects of narrative construction for student writers, and her views on the matter align with both my observations of student work and my limited experience with creative writing. Developing well-rounded characters who are more than pawns of the plot through realistic dialog, narration that is at once both revealing and subtle, and actions that are justified by previously-established motivations while revealing previously unseen elements of a character is incredibly difficult.

My experience with tabletop role playing games has led me to consider character prior to the development of a plot. The series of steps that players and game masters follow at the outset of a game in some ways seems to mirror the process of character construction in a written narrative, possibly offering students a scaffolding activity for their attempts to create believable and fully-realized characters. A role playing game - Call of Cthulhu, for instance - begins with a shared understanding of setting, principle themes, and the ideas that the author wishes to explore. Firmly set upon this common, solid ground, players develop characters, built around a flexible template that can be expanded or contracted as desired, considering history and attributes. A co-creative process of plot development follows in which players and narrator together construct a story that responds to character-driven choices - assuming that one does not play for a "railroading" GM. This process could be adapted into a classroom context in order to train students in some of the basic techniques of narrative and character development while engaging them in part of a game. The random nature of character generation in a tabletop RPG demands creativity in the formation of personalities, characteristics, and backstories. For instance, how do we account -- historically, physically, and psychologically - for a charisma roll of 4? What does this number translate into for a particular character and how does it affect him or her over the course of his or her life?

With proper guidance, students at a sufficiently advanced level could use games such as Call of Cthulhu in order to gain a better sense of the logical and emotional bases for the characters that they seek to develop for their written narratives.