Through a process of guided reflection and analysis, students should be able to identify the following elements of the essay that prevent it from reaching level 3 or level 4 status:
- Grammatical errors (By Santiago settling against the planks of the bow, Hemingway makes a comparison to Christ...)
- Style is "choppy" and reflects uncertainty through overuse of commas.
- Weak introduction involving a statement that seems tenuously connected to the thesis: "Also, an underlying Christian theme to the novella is maintained by other religious allusions, which keep the image of the crucifixion prominent within the reader’s mind."
- Awkward or colloquial phrases, especially in transitions ("One of the first obvious religious allusions...";"Another way...".
- Misused words: "utilizes" instead of use.
- Integration and explanation of quotations is at times awkward: Santiago goes on to say, “…he
[the left hand] has only cramped once. If he cramps again let the
line cut him off.” This passage alludes to Mark 9:43: “And
if thy hand offend thee, cut it off”.
- Use of the passive voice creates some muddled sentences.Positive elements of the essay include:
- Strong vocabulary and generally effective word choice.
- Logical organization within the "Five Paragraph Essay" format.
- Highly effective use of a second primary source (The Bible).
- Easily identifiable thesis: "The crucifixion imagery is used to create empathy for the ‘old man’, Santiago, and his suffering."
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